Crunching The Numbers

Last Monday I stepped on the scale. Now I should have known this was going to be traumatic based on the fact that I had trouble getting up off the couch to get to the scale, but I didn't realize how bad. When the lights stopped flashing, the number that was left made me want to kill myself. What stopped me????? Not wanting to look like this when I die. The scales report was not the only number that was going through my head~My blood sugar is 150, I have 10 rooms in this house that need to be cleaned, I have 4 kids and 2 grandkids that need for me to be a healthier, happier woman, my IQ feels like it has dropped below 100, I have 0 men in my bed and according to my scale I weigh 270 pounds! I crunched the numbers and decided that I needed to come up with a plan. My plan is to lose enough weight that I could commit suicide and not be mortified about the way I looked when I died.

My first step was going for a tour at a local gym and thought it would work just fine. The only real down side that I could see was that you had to go up a flight of stair to leave~AFTER YOUR WORKOUT. But no place is perfect so I signed up for a year's membership and made an appointment to meet with a fitness trainer the next day. I also found out that they will be having a six week weight loss competition that starts next week which I plan to win. The prize includes five hundred dollars which would be great for a new wardrobe, but truth be told, I have clothes for just about every size on my way down to casket ready. When I told my friend Bettina that I had signed up and was turning over a new leaf she was thrilled. She also mentioned that the gym is a GREAT place for picking up men, but I've seen myself after about ten minutes at the gym and I'm pretty sure that if a guy picks me up there it's gonna be cause he's driving an ambulance.