Questioning the existence and ethnicity of god

Forgive me Kris Kristofferson, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last workout, I have eaten when I wasn't hungry and my couch and ass have become reacquainted. This has been a terrible week. One that, if I'm honest with myself, would probably have been made more tolerable by going to the gym. But........ if I'm honest with you all, that thought did not occur to me until just this moment. A young man that my daughter was friends with and dated in high school passed away suddenly. Having to tell her was one of the hardest things I've ever done. She is in the Army and stationed in Georgia but was able to come home for the visitation. Getting the house cleaned up enough so that it would be somewhat acceptable was the second hardest thing I've ever done. (hey I admitted in blog number one that my weight wasn't the only thing that had gotten out of control, just cause it's funny doesn't mean it's not true) She's coming back for Thanksgiving and no one is allowed to touch anything between now and then. I also got my period. Now when I started doing comedy I said I wouldn't do menstruation material, but when Satan takes control of your soul you tend to break promises you've made, even to yourself. Promises like cleaning the house or staying on your diet or trying to figure out who your six year olds dad really is. I wasn't about to let myself get discouraged. Three years ago I beat a decades old addiction to drugs and alcohol, I wasn't about to wave the white flag to sloth and procrastination. I was watching Oprah Friday when I decided enough was enough. The weatherman said that the temperatures were going to drop and I had twenty-four tulip bulbs that had been sitting in my kitchen for a month. Now my kitchen is dirty, but not dirty enough to grow flowers in, so after Oprah I took the bulbs and a small plastic spade (not David) out for the horticultural endeavor that I was certain would turn everything around. It was dark, but I was not daunted. The ground was hard as hell and now I was daunted. I got two bulbs in the ground before saying fuck it and returning to the couch almost completely demoralized. I wasn't fully demoralized until the next morning when I woke up with an itchy red rash and blisters all over my right arm. Now I had a case of the same thing earlier this year after working in my yard (Yes, Einstein, I know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results) My previous case was horrible and I still have scars, mental and physical, so this morning after taking the kids to school I went to the walk in clinic. My arm was already infected and cellulitis had set in~I left with prednisone, antibiotics and a bill for $120. The worst part is that when those two tulips, which now cost $60 each, come up in the spring, I'm gonna be pissed off all over again. In closing, let me just say this~I have not decided if I believe in a power greater than myself that some call god, but if he does exist I'm pretty sure he's a hip black dude who is doing everything he can to keep me from takin any inches off this big ghetto booty of mine.