Seasoned well and cooked on the grill

I pulled up in front of the gym trying to decide if I really wanted to do this weight loss contest or this weight loss anything. I began making a list of reasons to go inside. Getting on the scale in the privacy of my own kitchen was one thing, but getting on a scale in front of Chad and his band of rogue exercisers was another. OK voice of sanity lay em on me ~ 1. Lane Bryant was running out of things I could wear and soon I'd have to figure out what kind of shoes go well with the offerings at Peoria Tent and Awning 2. If someone were to tell me to haul ass I'd have to make two trips 3. I've gotten so fat that black guys aren't even flirting with me any more BOOM ~ I'm outta my car and on my way inside. I'm directed to a lounge to fill out a form that states that if all this healthy shit kills me the gym is in no way responsible. As I'm signing away their liability I look around at the other people who are there to compete and realize that none of them are as fat as I am. "Ha! How are they gonna lose enough weight to beat me out of the $500 prize?", I think with renewed hope. "Using the same will power and good habits that kept them from getting as out of shape and fat as you," replies the sane voice. FU voice, it was rhectorical. It's my turn and I go into the cubicle of shame. There's Chad and two of his fitness friends (one of whom was black and did not flirt with me~told ya). The scale reads 259 and I try to talk them into counting the weight that I've lost in the past week toward the competition. I hope I have more luck exercising than I had bullshitting, ugh. At this point they hand me a gizmo to calculate my percentage of body fat. Thank heavens cause I thought I was only going to be humiliated in ONE way. Click, click, click and your number is.......Seriously people I'm 45 years old and 46% fat, now if I was a bottle of wine or seasoned well and cooked on the grill this would be fabulous and I would be delicious; since I'm not either of those things I think it means that it's time to make some changes.